and we're back...

 It's now 2026. Haven't been here in awhile to say the least. So much has changed and so much hasn't. Trump is still president. Not fucking around. He was voted out at the end of his first term to Joe Biden, Obama's former VP. On Jan. 6th, 2020 he ignited an insurrection at the Capitol. It was a blood bath. Five people were killed, countless injured. You know the rest or you can read up on it. Then four years later half the country votes for him again. Insanity. Trump 2.0 is way worse but I'm not getting into that now. 

What am I getting in to? What have I gotten myself into? Oh yea, my marriage of 10 years ended. That kinda had a Jan. 6th vibe to it. The whole idea that anything can be repaired went out the window. Not to say I didn't give it the ole' college try though.

Life is funny. One minute you're in a place that feels like forever and then the next you're living an entirely different life. Yet somehow, in many ways the same patterns and the same shit keep resurfacing. Any therapist would probably have a field day with that statement. 

So this is a reminder to keep evolving. To not end up back at the beginning over and over again. To stop playing Russian Roulette with life. Time to get a handle on this whole "being human" thing. 

First thing First, Find an Axe

Universe,

It's funny how when you are ready you are just fucking ready. When you want to see, you see more clearly than you ever imagined.

Recently, I've been challenged by my inner ego to not pursue a certain ambition. When I say ego I mean that inner voice in your head that isn't really you. It isn't the true soul reflection of you. It's the ego. The protective barrier that you along with society has tricked you into thinking that these are your thoughts. These are your feelings. Your desires.

That voice has been picking at my soul for a good while and tonight I said no more.

Let's all take the biggest, heaviest, sharpest metaphorical motherfucking axe we can find and cut our egos into shreds. Bit by bit. Shard by shard.

Adios ego.  You don't control shit.


Me

Falling Below & Rising Above

Universe,

You've been handing out many signs as of late that seem to be geared towards getting my attention. I must admit I'm not that pleased with them all. In fact, there's one in particular that seems downright cruel.

Nevertheless, I'm here. Awake. Listening. Attempting to learn. As hard as that may be. More often than not I want to simply say 'Fuck You'. But then something happens. A kind stranger helps me find an item in a store. My son gives me an extra long hug after his afternoon nap. A ray of sunshine pierces through a cloudy gray sky.  I'm quickly reminded just how beautiful, no,  magical this life is. This reality can be spectacular despite the pain that comes and goes.

It's been almost a year since I was forced to make a grueling decision. Both options would impact my life no matter what choice I made. I chose. It fucking sucked. I barely got out of bed for weeks.  I retreated deep inside myself.  I had to. I had to completely immerse myself in deep despair. Then, I started healing one day at a time.

We all fall hard under the blow of different types of pain and circumstance. We want to scream how unfair life can be. Then, with time and a whole lotta fucking work, we rise above it.

My prayer for those suffering today, for those that have lost hope,  is that they will rise above it. That their true self will commandeer their physical body and bring comfort and light. May they be reminded that this life, this reality, is not the end.

~Me